Surprise in Jack’s Mustang

Dating 101: Stick to your standards of the type of person you will and won’t be in a relationship with.

No criminal record, drug or alcohol addictions and in my case, a non-smoker.

Most importantly, good manners and kindness were at the top of my list.

But, it never occurred to me to list snakes. Reptiles would not be allowed…especially riding with me in a car.

I had too many first dates that did not pass my own test, or the litmus test set by my strict stepfather and overprotective mother.

The bar was set high and I was not allowed to officially date until I was fifteen, the last one among my friends. However, the microsecond I turned fifteen, I became a professional dater.

Did I already mention I had a lot of first dates and the standard was high? I’m sure I did. Anyway, despite my criteria, I ventured away from the things I said I would not accept. Slim pickings for a long time.

Then I met Jack. I had known him since Jr. High School and we lived in the same neighborhood. He would offer my girlfriends and me a ride home in his Ford Mustang on rainy days. I thought him kind, handsome and smart. He was acutely shy though.

I began to see him with new eyes, but I knew he had a steady girlfriend.

I was dating a few guys at the same time, too. Most of them were good friends that were just getting over a bad break-up. I became their “Get Back Girl.”

Jack finally called and asked me out. I accepted the fourth offer after clearing my schedule. We had a wonderful first date followed by a second. On the third date, a disturbing thing occurred.

As Jack was walking me to his car to open the passenger side door, I caught a glimpse of something…unusual. There stretched along the top of the back seat was a snake.

What kind of person keeps a snake in their car?

Jack quickly grabbed it like it was nothing at all; dropping it into a burlap sack. He then tossed it into his trunk.

Surely, this snake was for a science class or biology. I tried to express my fears without hysteria.

“So…I see you brought your science project home for the weekend. Don’t you have a cage for him?”

“Aw, he’s harmless. He was in the stock room at work and my boss asked me to get rid of him. I bagged him up and put him in my car. He disappeared until today. I think he has been living in my car for a few days. I will let him go when I get home. Rat snakes are great for yards.”

His rationale seemed plausible until I learned the next day the snake had disappeared–yet again.

I was not the only person who thought this was odd. Jack had picked up a hitchhiker and told him of the resident snake in their conversations as he motored down the road. The poor guy demanded he stop the car. “You’re out of your mind, man,” he said as he jumped out of the car. Jack said he had not fully stopped before the hitchhiker lunged out the door, never looking back. Ouch!

As I began to get know Jack better, I saw what a tease he was. The more comfortable he became around me, the more he liked to tease me.

I constantly inquired about the snake and its whereabouts. Jack was sincerely stumped, but had a good time at my expense in the meantime.

He was kissing me goodbye in his car and I felt something squiggling by my feet, moving up my leg.

“Snake…..!!! Get him off me,” I cried as I jumped into his arms screaming and swatting.

Jack burst out laughing as he confessed his sin. “It was me…you should have seen the look on your face. You really are quite the actress.”

“You wicked boy! I can’t believe you’d do that to me!”

Well, it worked. I stayed in his arms for awhile; both of us laughing so hard, we cried.

I finally persuaded him to fully examine his car to see exactly where the snake was living. He spent a Saturday, our date day, and removed the seats, carpet, spare tire and trunk liner.

No snake. Not a thing–except the empty burlap sack.

The following day, the snake was back, lying flat across the dashboard sunning himself. The strip search of the car must have disturbed him.

Weeks went by and we never saw the rat snake again after that day. But, he did leave us a little something. His large snake skin was shed before he left, a reminder of his stay in Jack’s car.

I married Jack almost 46 years ago. He still knows how to take care of snakes and teases me to no end.